Over the past two weeks I’ve been attempting to reach out into unfamiliar territory and started to read and write poetry. With what started as material more for spoken words (the performance of poetry) I’ve ended up knocking out about 2 to 3 pieces of something a day. If I’m not too careful I may have a good library of work written by me. Who knew? Anyway, below is the first piece that got me going. Again, read this as intended to be performed.
The Rage In My Mind
What would you say if you heard the rage in my mind?
When I look at the world around me and see the worst of mankind.
Those who struggle, those who are in pain
Those who just don’t get it and whose efforts are in vein.
The people who are celebrated for the things they say and do
When those things are of no benefit to me or to you
We elevate false gods and worship their example
But if you knew them personally you would see them and tremble
So much anger abounds, the noise grows ever louder
No one knows why they are mad anymore and that makes it even sadder
That anger is infectious; it’s a most contagious disease
I can’t escape it wherever I go, it resides in even me.
I get fed up at the blatant stupidity
I scream at the indifference
I lash out at the bigotry
I explode at the ignorance
In my head I turn over tables and breathe blazing fire
I go to war with the crowds because all they see is their own desire
My anger hits me but then I remember myself
I have to keep my composure and put my rage on a shelf
I go on about my day and you aren’t the wiser
That I’ve been screaming at the top of my lungs
– fighting a war that goes on forever.
What would you say if you saw the black of my mind?
The part of my brain that is anything but kind
It judges, it lusts, it’s all the worst parts of me
It fights, it breaks, it just wants you to let me be
It’s the me that no one would want to know
but he’s there all the time
Like the shadow of a wraith
I can’t escape him – he’s mine
Is he the real me that I just keep to myself?
Or is he some bit of my ego that plagues me like no one else?
He’s so mean and ugly no one would believe it
That the thoughts he thinks aren’t just his, but I claim it.
A detestable thing that only God could love
Only He could accept him with grace from above
I don’t like him at all and this world around me that I hate is his
There isn’t much more to describe him, what fits perfectly is this:
The rage I feel at the world is also directed at him
For the main thing they share in each other is the love of all that sin
He was the real me once, but not so any more
For I am fortunate enough to know that there is already and end to the war
Occasionally the rage is still there
It can flair with a good headline
But with enough practice I can manage it well enough
It will only get better with time.
So now that you’ve seen some of what’s in my brain
When you look at me tomorrow will anything be the same?
Will you find that you know me better?
Or maybe you didn’t know me at all?
If you looked up to me before
Do I now seem a bit …kind of…small?
The main comfort I take in all this is that odds are I’m not alone.
I’m a piece of a great sea of people that find solace at the foot of the Throne.
The fight against the other me is real
It’s just as important as yours
And every day I combat him
and embrace all he deplores.
I hope you can take some comfort in the words that I speak
To the untrained ear they may seem pretty bleak.
But I readily embrace the struggle of a personal daily grind
So that you will never, ever know the rage in my mind.