I Let Go a Lot

I tried to move on as I should

And as of last night everything was good

But first thing this morning

There I was again

The craving within me

The need

Walking along the desired path is possible

But I feel like I’m swimming upstream

I grow tired

And after going for so long I haven’t even gained that much ground

So I relapse, I let go

In the moment I feel…so…much…better

Then soon the shame comes back

I slipped again

Then I start swimming upstream again

Trying to go along as I should

 

I feel like I let go a lot

Turns out I’m not a good swimmer

I’m much better at just treading water

I’m good at treading water

It’s not fair

You’d think with as much practice at swimming up stream

I’d be a better swimmer

But I’m not

 

 

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. I really relate to your soulful writing…”you’d think with as much practice at swimming upstream, I’d be a better swimmer, but I’m not”. I love that

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Most of my days are good days, but then there are some days where I don’t feel there is much progress at all; back to square one. Then the next day I keep on going on towards being better. The daily grind never goes away and there are times when I’m just tired. I’m finding more and more people that feel very much like I do in these situations. It brings a level of comfort that this group is together in our solo struggles.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Totally. It’s true that there are so many of us fighting our invisible daily battles for normalcy and relative wellbeing. I gain a lot of comfort from delving into other people’s minds and finding out we are not as dissimilar as we think we are. I’ve always felt like a freak, but not anymore. I’m glad you’re able to appreciate your better days and cherish them and your successes 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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